Ever since his son vanished from Skyline School in northwest Portland one year ago, Kaine Horman has been on the news, in the papers and in the middle of a major investigation.
But through it all, Horman says, he is still just a father who desperately misses his son, Kyron Horman.
"You really have to make the choice of, are you going to pick yourself up and go, or are you going to curl up in a ball in a dark room and sit there?" Horman said. "And, unfortunately, the latter is what you feel emotionally more of, but that doesn't get anything done. That doesn't help."
With friends and volunteers by his side, Horman has been hosting fundraisers and awareness events, talking to anyone who will listen in hopes of getting the word out about his son.
But Horman's anger lies with the one person who he says won't listen or talk about what happened to his son. As he has stated in the past, he still believes his estranged wife, Terri Horman, is responsible for Kyron's disappearance.
"Based on the behavior we've seen in Terri and her lack of interest in wanting to do anything related to this case, either coming forward with the one version of the truth of what happened that day, or even helping to search for him or spread the word for him. I look at those actions and I find it hard to believe that someone who didn't have something to do with the activities that day is not involved."
Kaine Horman says he knows there are parts of the case that he can't talk about, but he still has haunting questions about the details of June 4.
"As far as what happened that day, was she acting by herself? Did she have a co-conspirator? It's really hard to say," he said.
Searchers have returned to Sauvie Island several times, but no new evidence has triggered a major breakthrough.
After all this time, Kaine Horman says he still believes Kyron is still alive because he has no information to believe otherwise.
"In a lot of the interviews, we focus on the facts and sometimes I forget to say that I love him and I want to make sure he hears that. Because it's just hard living without him," he said.
While he waits for answers, Kaine Horman still has to go to work and raise his 2 1/2 -year-old daughter, Kiara.
With or without Kyron, life moves forward, but until Kaine knows the truth, he will never move on.
"Now, you wake up and you have the dark cloud hanging over your head, but you've got to keep going, you've got to find him," he said.